Transgress the plain of inevitablity. Take the pills the doctor gave you. Become the world's spawn of hate. Be my own little doll child I carry under my arm, and be the burden that lays upon my breast.

What more can I tell you, in no words of bad advice? I am tired and soon the weight of sleeplessness may cave in on me and swallow me whole. What is reason? But, something that I do not own. Or possibly it is something that must torment my soul. That reaches down to the bottomof me and rips my heart out and makes me a cold diease ridden shell. With a soul of ash and being robbed by one-hundred men. The "souls" on my shoes are far too heavy for me to out last, for me to so lightly grasp. Yet there is no helping hand? No beautiful shining light at the end of my tunnel of my transgression? Munipulation of a innocent mind? No love for pitiful "soles" that keep the world sounding. Sonarous life that surround mind and my endless ranting that makes no sense...

Yet no differencedoes it make...I ask of it to make something of it's self...I ask of you to make of it sense. But it asks of me far to much. So burden come...I welcome you. Come and lay upon my already all to heavy chest.

Dreamweaver

I grabbed the strings and  weaved a dream
far more beautifully then the despised
must be.

Together they came, spider's string.
Together they became a dream far prettier
then you could ever be.

Strong is the blanket I weaved for my kin.
Dreamweaved blanket, became my kinsmen.
 And so be them, my ugly little children.

The day of my re-birth, was the day I
 became her. The dreamweaving lady,
who weaved a dream concived of adreneline.

Weaved was this
within dreamland.
All weaved by the
pitiless dreamer.

Your had combing out my tangles. Your cheek upon mine. While my heart is in your mouth wrapped around your k-9's.

You make me feel all over. Starting from my heart then to my fingertips.

You make my blood run liquid fire. While all the while I am left vacant and naked on the floor. Ripping at my hair you so tenderly combed. Felling the jaged edge of your teeth in my heart eating up my soul.

I ffell myself sinking then as light as air, but once again pulled down to the trenches of oblivion. But I haven't even moved..I am still heart where I was.It was just my broken heart, filling up to the brim with saddness till it tips over. Feeling you rip out my heartwith your over-powering jaws.Then the pressure of you shoving it down my throat causing an air bubble, but only to be torn out once more.

My what sharp teeth you have! And what a lovely mouth you keep them in.

And all the while you make me feel Liquid fire. You leave me feelinguesd up and empty. My blood runs cold and yet you comb my tangled hair, the chills. You make the firey liquid gushing in and out of your soul, looking for a way to take my heart and put your's in it's place..

...Entangled in my lovely K-9's...

 

I painted you a picture

That drew out your name

I drew you a drawing

That showed the world your pain

I wrote you a poem

That showed a wild heart could be tamed

I let you write a story

That showed I was to be blamed

I lived a life underwater, and salted all my dreams.

Became cold and rough as an on coming tide.

I drowned a hundred others in my sorrow and numbed away their pain.

I sufferocated love, and abolished many dreams.

I took all they had and buried it at the bottom of the sea.

To wash away with the tide,

On an up coming breeze...

Damn you sweet one

Damn you in your lovely grace.

Love you in your whimsical ways.

Hate you in your on going daze.

I’ll love on the day,

Yes the day when I orbit the burning sun

In your untimely heart of hearts.

Sit and watch the world

Sit and love what you will never become.

Lay back and hate what you pray you’ll never be.

Wonder through a looking glass.

See the land of a thousand broken dreams.

These things that were promised in a childish glee.

That are no longer what others had once wanted to be.

Lean back and see what was promised to me.

---------------------------

*note*:I made this piece of digtal art shortly after i wrote this poem.The pic explains the poem visually. I wish i could explain it word.I can write metaphors, but never the whole truths...and that is my curse.

I had a dream last night and it was mighty fine

I Walked through a garden deep and you were there waiting for me.

Dreams always fade into dust

And there you where walking away.

Heaven always speaks in words I can’t understand

Always seems to tell me things and a life filled with possibilities.

Pearly teeth skilled to rip my heart out.

Leave me crawling on a Spanish tiled floor.

Let you fade into the dust a dream must never be.

Hear you whisper in my ear, tear the garden from my dream

Lovely little fantasy go back home

To the castle in the sky.

I played a piano with another’s hand.

I pressed the keys with pristine justice.

The song untouched and wholly pure.

It was something I could never be completely.

To be that whole and so complete.

Something that was only held by me in a dream.

I came to play a faster purity.

The piano set itself a flame.

Someone stopped the victrola.

My stranger’s hands hit a wrong note, when stopped.

I was in my room, no piano, no fire, no stranger’s hand to play

My song for me.

 

I stood in the doorway, and saw a sleepy figure of you.

I tilted to the side and a dizzy dream came true, in the form of you.

THe whirl wind soul consumed me.

Ate me up and swallowed me whole, spit me out and left me a wasted wench on a cold dirty floor.

I cursed you...

...I adored you...

I cursed and damned myself.

I smiled as you rubed a heavy hand on your sleepy eye.

And I know I'd never be the same.

 

 

Green sea eyes were mine.

Green sea eyes were more yours then mine.

They took them and sold them three pence a piece.

And now we have no sea evergreen to line mine eyes nor yours.

Darkness is where the sea should be...

...Your eyes are where mine should be...

....But no three pence piece have we.

Voiceless beggers have nothing they only can keep, all taken now.

"Nothing" they should own.

"Nothing" to call they're own.

Deep Evergreen Sea Eyes, taken from where it should be.

Never apart of that sea.

I have no voice...

You see...

I watched you walk right pass me

So you did in watercoloured dreams

Becoming all you ever wanted

There was no possible room for me

Dressed in the finest clothes

Surrounded by those you thought you loved

I knocked on the golden door

Shunned away by strangers

In your watercoloured dreams

I was washed aways

Thrown out with all the cold colours

That you never cared for

I begged beneath your highness

Kicked like a lap dog

surround by my shame and your ignornce,

All the while lying in your bitterness

Slipping away to charcol coloured dreams

As you walked right pass me...

Now that everyone hs gone there is still one thing that plays on my tongue. The question never asked, the answer never thougth. There we sat, alone. Now i am, alone.

Now go ahead and bleed my soul dry, take all I ever had. Was it never enough? Because I know you weren't enough. Never enough.

Now that the world is empty and theres nothing left to say , will you think of me? Hope can only be,that  no thoughts of you wil engulf me, theres only death in you. And death does arise in the extravigant form of you.

Now go ahead and bleed me dry. Take all I never had. It was never enough.I was never enough.

Now I let you go. No one is around. Neither are your. Right now I see through crimson, dirty water, and i see you. I see you swimming away. Just like you always do.

 I spun you on a spindle and on the spool out come your dreams. A deep purple drenched in gold, no one dare rob me of you. Except you. You did and strung me on a wooden insturment, and strummed out a tune and drove me insane...a pity I never loved you more.

You wrote me a melody, inspired by my broke heart. I drew you a picture, show the world of your strange beautiful nature...it only broke my heart more. It broke the melody, it came out of tune and demolished the strings. They became dust, and we faded away. The picture stayed. With your dreams it stayed. To accompany my broke heart.

 

Needle to the record. Errie is the music that over flows from your mouth.

Fingers to the fret. Lovely is the music that over comes the guitar.

I use to know the song you sing. I wrote the words, well that girl

I use to be...

I knew the words, me and that girl

I use to be.

 

I turned on the light in the attic of your mind. I wondered if you saw me. The strangness of your beautful nature, confounding...confiding...conflicted, colliding...

You turned on the radio in my mind. Dead static over comes me. The channels don't play anymore, and when the voices come on their langugue engulfs me...entraps me..becomes me...

 

(20 mins later)

"I had a thought before I put pen to paper, I would know what to write. And, yet no word to paper that matters comes to me. Although thoughts go to and fro within my meaniless mind. I find myself wanting alone time, yet not wanting a single soul gone from my presense. But a moment of sweet silence, which is to say, to sit with someone with perfect understanding. That there is nothing more to say or do, but sit there with honest silence, and from time to time a gaze not a stare. That...That would be nice."

 

 

The casket hit the ground.

The dirt hit the casket.

My heart hit the bottom of stomich.

You became a tear in my eyes.

 

A life became a memory.

A scent become a distance.

A person became dead in the past.

A heartach became a thought, thought up by a person with no insides.

 

The raindrop hit the ground.

The depree hit the tombstone.

My heart still refuses to leave my stomich.

You're still the tears in my eye.

 

Dead flowers line your bedroom.

I lie in your bed.

You lie in my stomich...

...along with my heart...

 

And everything you ever said.

Garffiti on a bathroom wall told a story of great angst. Spelt out the names of honest people with cheap lives underneath the skin. The numbers lead to the phones of houses of those  who pretend not to want to change, as we all do.

Garffiti on the wall told me a secret, as I vomited the drugs he gave me. Told me the name of a doctor that only healed the lusty. My hand smeared the message told by a stranger. My heart hated his as much as longed for the quere from the poison that pollutes me.

Garffiti on the dirty bathroom wall intriged me. Told me and taught me not to listen. To walk out and not tell him my secrets. Instead, I left my own story...on and upon a garffitied bathroom wall...

The light flickered and I sat up in my

bed. My body trembled and I throw

it all away. Everything around me

began to fall apart. I came to know

that all I had known was a lie. I

wipe the sweat from my brow, and

you wiped the blood from your civil

hands. Though uncivil kept; from my

civil blood made. Ripe the heart and

make it bleed. As you did to me, and

the rein fell.The cities trembled,and I

woke up dead in my bed. The light flickered

as I sat up, I was not alone in my bed.

The body trembled and it all fell away...

 

My rotten limbs seem tp grow into new territory. The dead find comfort in my most unworthy arms of decay. They gather, sick children, whom crave the diease to mingle in their only too forgiving skins. All too familiar, for the familiar to see. All to forgiven, for the unforgiven tp met. Far too human for even tp grasp. My deadleaf limbs will gather unto me, make them as unhuman as I have become. They will be my dead children, and we will become unto the dying sun.

 

Let the wind blow upon my face.

And the rain will fall on me forever.

The sky's tears seep into my pours.

And I will be sad no more.

 

Let the children laugh.

And we will become one another.

The ringing laughter fills my ears.

And the children will be hurt no more.

 

Let the rain become my soul.

An the rain will heal me forever.

The world's tears will salt my wounds.

And I will be numb no more.

I watched the water wush

 I heard the whole world hush

They all melted within the sky's light

 And became a horrid minion

 To the sorrow that only comes out at night

I watched the time move

 And heard the clock tick

It all changes

 And nothing is new

 They blend into the past...just as you.

I saw the changes in you

I heard the strange language from your mouth

Remembered all that was you

And all was changed in you

You fell away in my memory...how I remembered you.

 one of my newset pices of art. It's call "Crackled By The Fire". at times this what i think i feel like inside. Sad but true, kinda achs when thought of. I haven't written anything new; really wish i could. I'm being supressed by another case of writer's block. Maybe due to the fact of some news i've just recieved about a jackass. Oh well no true harm done. I ALWAYS find a way to get over it. I'm off, if my knew iwas on she'd kill me...(1:31 min. till she goes to work) it is now 3:49 am...

 

No One Came

I drowned myself in dingy water
Clouded by the world's diease
I know now I cannot force the water
from out my lungs
I know now it courses through
my polluted veins
Eating up all that I once was
I wish I had known what I'd done
To make me think that this was the way out
My body now floats to the dirty surface
No one came to rescue me, and I am
Left to rot and float...